Painful loose ends
by obsi2
Summary: Set after the 4x15 ending. Spoilers for different season 3 and 4 episodes. My take of what happened after Jane came back with the frozen yoghourt. Simple one-shot. Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the idea of this story.


This little story is set right after the 4x15 ending. Jane has just arrived from the frozen yoghourt store and she, Hope, Maura and Angela are sharing some time together. I feel that the scene, as much as extremely touching and sweet, wasn't organic. Maura feels forced to finally forgive Hope, not only because of the doctor's insistence but also because Angela and Jane made her choose. This is my take of what it should have transpired then:

Jane opens the door and says: "There it goes! Frozen yoghourt for everybody!"

"Hey Jane, you are right on time! Hope and I were discussing about how motherhood changed our lives." That comment earned a wary look from Jane, expecting to see Maura bored as hell or quietly amused. Instead the ME wasn't in the room.

"Ma, where's Maura?"

"Oh, she's in the bathroom, she'll be right back." Whatever the reason, Jane didn't feel reassured by her mother's statement, so she waited until her best friend went back to the living room.

"Hey Maura! You can be proud of me! The flavors don't even touch!" To that, Maura gave her a less than convinced smile, so Jane finally asked the question lingering in the air.

"What's wrong Maura?" Maura was dreading that moment, because she knew that Jane would notice her change of demeanor. With no escape, she decided to be upfront. Jane's question also captured Hope and Angela's attention, so the room went dead silent.

"All this is wrong, Jane."

"Do you care to elaborate?"

"Don't you see? I can't act as if nothing had happened in the last year. The hurt won't go away even if we pretend to start over. Hope, I look at you and I understand that I don't even know you."

"That's not true, Maura. You know me very well, I have no more secrets for you."

"But that's exactly my point. You had secrets from the beginning and I discovered them the painful way, by discovering your lies. And worst of all is that the only time I saw you be completely honest was when you were horrified to know that I was your daughter. You showed me you true face then and that's the only thing I'm sure of."

"Maura, I love you. I loved you from the moment I knew you were alive. But I was scared to face my past. To face you, because I felt that I failed to protect you. I was horrified, but not because you were my daughter, but because you reminded me of the failure I was as a mother."

"Hope, you had many chances to make it up for me. Instead you just left my life, period. You just left me with my misery and you didn't even bother to check on me when a serial killer almost made me one of his victims. And yes, that was all over the news too. Not a word, not a call from you. I would have died and you wouldn't have even noticed." Hope's pain showed in her features. That truth hit her like a train and she was at a loss of words because it was true, she didn't check on her when Maura almost died. Another failure to her very long list.

In the meantime, Jane and Angela where silent witnesses of the heartbreaking conversation, not daring to say a word because this moment only belonged to Hope and Maura. Besides, Maura had all the right to vent, she had so much pain inside and this was a good exercise for the heart.

"That's true, Maura. I didn't check on you when that happened although I read it on the newspapers. My heart almost broke to hear that but I didn't have the guts to confront you after how badly I treated you the last time we saw each other. I was a coward and I'm really sorry." Hope couldn't look Maura on the eyes, that's how ashamed she was.

"Right, you couldn't face me then but when you felt desperate enough to save your daughter you did have the guts to come to me and ask me for my kidney. It's funny that you weren't a coward then. Maybe saving your real daughter was reason enough to swallow your pride and come to see me. Our conversation left me heartbroken, as always, but then again, you know how to do that very well."

"I didn't know this part from you, Maura. Your words are cruel."

"Believe me Hope, you don't know me as much as you'd like. Do you see these two people? They do know me and they treat me right. That's why they are family to me. They have earned a big place in my heart but they needed time and effort, and that's something you need to learn. Do you want me to remind you how you ignored me once again after the kidney transplant? Because sure, I asked you not to contact me and to not tell Caitlin who her donor was, but still, you didn't move a finger to know how I was doing. Your REAL daughter recovered perfectly from the surgery and the moment we met again, she gave me the famous medallion I returned you a while ago. The same medallion that was meant for me, but of course, I was dead and it went to Caitlin." The three women were astonished. Hope was becoming more and more aware of the pain she'd caused the daughter and she hadn't thought so deeply about it. She realized it would be almost impossible to forgive and forget for Maura.

Maura needed to get everything out of her system so she went on with her rant. "And then the lies began again. The dirty money to fund MEND, the help you gave Paddy after he got burnt in Cavanaugh's apartment… And you still say that I know you? How can I know you at all if everything's a lie? For all I know, you got a deal with the DA to avoid prison." Hope was about to interject but Maura didn't let her. "Now you come here saying that you NEED my forgiveness. And that's the problem, you always need something from me, but have you ever wondered what I DO NEED from you? Did it even cross your mind that I have needs too? You can't erase so much pain in five minutes Hope. You come here and expect me to forget, to have sudden amnesia like you've had every time it has suited you. Well, we might look similar but we are very different and that's one of our main differences. I can't forget easily. Especially when you are the person that has hurt me the most in my life. I need time and do things on my own terms. Tonight I can't play the sweet daughter willing to forget while we share a family moment. It hurts too much. Hope, I'm not saying that I won't forgive you, but right now I can't do this. Give me time and let me do it my way. I'll call you when I'm ready and we will take the right steps to start over for real."

Hope looked at Angela for help, because being a mother the older Rizzoli had always taken her side, but this time she found no help. Angela remained silent and gave her the "Maura's right" look. On her part, Jane didn't miss the chance to stick by Maura and said something she wanted to say for a long time. "I'm proud of you, Maura." And hugged her best friend with a mixture of real pride and solace for Maura.

Hope felt completely alone and devastated, so she looked at her daughter and told her. "I'll wait for your call, Maura. I'll respect your space, but I'll be ready when you feel ready too. I love you with all my heart and I can't wait to earn a spot in that huge heart of yours. You are the best person I know and I'm proud of you, even if I didn't raise you. You are strong, brave and kind-hearted and I'm willing to make amends because you make me want to be a better person." Now she looked at Jane. "I know she can take care of herself, but still it's comforting to know that she has someone so protective by her side. Never stop taking care of her, okay?" Jane replied with a small smile "Never, I promise."

"And Angela, thank you for being there, you've been very supportive to me and I appreciate it. Anything you need, just call me, will you?" This time Angela did answer Hope. "The same goes to you, Hope. Whenever you need me, you know where to find me." At this, Hope nodded and went to the door. With a final look at Maura, she just waved goodbye, mouthed "I love you" and left the house.

Silence in the room didn't last long, because Maura looked at mother and daughter and just said: "I'm sorry for this, I didn't want you to see this scene." Angela took a step forward, took Maura's hands on hers and stated: "Maura, I want you to know that I've always taken Hope's side because I know how a mother feels and how it hurts to be apart from your children. But I will always support you, because I know that you always make the wisest choices, including today. You needed to have this conversation with Hope and I'm sure it will help you to heal your wounds. Just take your time, let the pain fade and then contact Hope to start fresh. Because as much as it hurts now, you need your biological mother in your life. And she needs you more than anything too. She made many mistakes but she wants to be a better person too and that's only because of you. Just listen to your heart and let it guide you, ok?" Maura nodded and looked at Jane, who was silently watching their conversation.

"What about you, Jane? Do you think I did the right thing?" Jane smiled and said: "Maura, if I told you before that I am proud of you it's because I really mean it. When pop came a while ago I saw my mother handle herself better than ever and that made me happy. Today it happened the same, because you handled yourself better than ever in front of Hope. You didn't even need us to defend you, you just knew exactly what to say at the right moment. That's how much you've evolved in the last years. And about Hope, well, you know she's not exactly my cup of tea, but my mother's right, you need her in your life. Today I tried to make you forgive Hope because it makes you unhappy to think about her and her loss, but after your conversation I've understood that you need time to heal. In any case, we'll be by your side, whatever you decide. We are your nutballs and love you so much." They both laughed and hugged, until Jane broke contact and said: "Hey, I'm hungry. What about we have this delicious yoghourt? Although by now I'm suspecting it will have melted and both flavors will have swirled. Are you still up to a swirled yoghourt, Maura?" Jane's smile made Maura smile too. "Yes, I think it won't hurt, for once."

The three of them spent a family evening and Maura felt relieved, because now she knew that everything was going to be fine, finally.


End file.
